Brazil

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Disappointing is the word that comes to mind. It does for every Brazil shirt for a long time. Numbers but no name, plain yellow across the board and a bit of green for the sleeve cuffs and collar. “Brasil” on the back of the collar and the stars on the inside of it are a little extra but there’s really nothing to speak about here. The numbers are quite nice though, even if the 5s are terribly placed.

Mainly used at the 2006 World Cup, the defending champions Brazil confidently swept the group stage, beating Croatia 1-0, Australia 2-0 and Japan 4-1. Ghana were swept aside 3-0 but a defensive lapse in the quarter-finals led to a 1-0 loss to France. A little disappointing from their standards, but hardly something that can be complained about.

Wait, isn’t this exactly the same shirt? Nope! Collar has a little bit more green on it and the green of the shirt is a slightly different shape. Ooh, innovative… Best part of the shirt is the arrowed air holes down the sides which are both practical and nice to look at. But really, when the best your shirt has is the inside of the badge has a nice design on it then you’ve surely failed.

Used at the 2014 World Cup there were big expectations for Brazil as the home side. Despite a slightly shaky start, they beat Croatia 3-1, drew 0-0 with Mexico and then took Cameroon 4-1. A 1-1 draw with Chile lead to penalties and a superb free kick helped dispatch Colombia 2-1. Despite some imperfect play, Brazil were in the semi-finals against Germany. Injuries to defensive stalwart Thiago Silva and attacking phenom Neymar devastated them and Germany took them to pieces in one of international football’s most shocking results. Still reeling from a 7-1 defeat, the Netherlands took and held an early lead to relegate Brazil to 4th place in a 3-0 defeat.

From those results you could be forgiven for thinking Brazil aren’t world beaters, but as everyone knows, they were much are. They’ve been to every World Cup, only not escaped the group stages twice (1930 and 1966) and have five titles from seven finals! Two 3rd and two 4th places show just how dominant the side has been across history, though with their last title in 2002, if they don’t win in 2022 they’ll be in their longest gap between titles. Slightly less dominant locally, Brazil have 9 Copa América titles and 11 further finals, with their 40 year gap (4 lost finals) the most punishing factor in their race for honours. Add to this 4 Confederations Cup titles, 4 Pan American Games and 2 Olympics silvers along with countless, countless friendly tournament honours and they’re one of the most titled teams on the planet.

Their women’s side are only barely less prestigious. They’ve been at every Women’s World Cup, only not escaping the group stages in the first two. Additionally, despite the comparative dominance of certain teams, Brazil managed 3rd place in 1999 and 2nd in 2007. 7 Copa América Femenina titles from 8 tournaments with only a draw to Colombia and two losses to Argentina to mar 44 games! Being Brazil, they wouldn’t just leave it at that though, with 2 Olympic silvers (and three 3rds), 3 Pan-American Games, runners-up in everything from the Algarve Cup, through the SheBelieves Cup to the Women’s Gold Cup and 7 titles from 9 of their own friendly tournament. Do things calm down a bit in the youth teams? Ha. Hahaha. AHAHAHA. Not in the slightest, Brazil are terrifying. 4 Olympic medals (1 gold), 7 of 13 titles in the CONMEBOL Pre-Olympic Tournament, 5 U20 World Cups from 9 finals, 11 CONMEBOL U20 titles from 18 finals, 4 U17 World Cups from 6 finals, 12 CONMEBOL U17 titles from 15 finals and 5 CONMEBOL titles from 7 finals. There really is nothing to do but list their titles. On the women’s side they add in all 8 CONMEBOL U20 titles (0 losses from 51 matches!), 3 consecutive U20 Women’s World Cup semi-finals (one 3rd) and 3 CONMEBOL U17 titles from 5 finals (1 group stage exit), though recent performances in the World Cups have been poor from both levels.

Maybe Brazil let up in futsal or beach soccer, variants they created or all but created. Ah, maybe not then. Kings and Queens of futsal they have an insane number of titles that it is practically faster to list what they didn’t win. 2 AMF World Cups, 5 of 8 FIFA World Cups, all but 3 South American titles, an absurd number of minor tournaments, all but 1 of the South American youth titles and the women don’t appear to have lost a competitive game in FIFA, winning all 6 World titles and the 5 of 6 CONMEBOL tournaments they bothered entering. They also have an AMF World Cup and both U20 CONMEBOL titles to date too. They are the team to beat, no matter the level. They’re similar in beach soccer, with an U20 title and an U20 runners-up from the 2 tournaments but the senior side continue the title streaks. Before FIFA came in they won 9 of 10 possible titles and since then have only managed a measly 5 titles from 10 tournaments… 7 CONMEBOL titles, another from CONCACAF/CONMEBOL and regular titles from invitational tournaments, their least successful is the Intercontinental Cup where they’ve “only” won as many titles as Iran and Russia by taking a third of them all (playing in 7 of 9). Football is in their blood.

2022 World Cup qualification is simple in format, complex in execution. Everyone in CONMEBOL in a giant round robin group. Brazil are expected to qualify but every team gets shaky results from nowhere. Naturally, they’ve ignored that and started perfectly with 6 wins from 6 games, though they’ve only played against 1 of the regular qualifiers.

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